Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
