I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
