did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just had sex bonerless
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
