Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize