it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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