I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
