I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
