So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize