hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
