I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
