Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize