When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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