my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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