she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
