Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
