i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
