benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
