I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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