Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize