I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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