I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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