Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
