Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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