I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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