I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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