bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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