Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
