Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
