Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
