I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
