i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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