Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
