It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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