So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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