her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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