Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
