Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
