TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do herpes really smell.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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