i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
