i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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