I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
