Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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