Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I want to have your abortion
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
