Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize