Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize