There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is classic penis vs brain.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
