if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
