After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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