Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
