Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What changed your mind?
Being sober
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
