youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
