Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
