No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
