Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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