How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
