I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
