Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Randomize
