ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
