apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
