i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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