i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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