I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
