It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
