So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
