Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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