8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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