It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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